Every once in awhile, we all reach our breaking points.
I know you know, that point where you get SO frustrated, or feel SO hopeless, that you finally just SNAP on some one, or just break down in tears.
That was me yesterday.
I was in tears.
My back and neck have been giving me problems daily for about 2 weeks. This is due to the spondylolisthesis. You see, I am used to experiencing pain and stiffness, however, I prefer to have one or the other bothering me. I don't deal well when it's both at once, continually. And that's what it's been like the last few weeks. And it got worse as of Friday. I've visited the chiropractor a few times, as well as got a massage, and I still haven't found the relief I am looking for.
So, yesterday was just one of those days. I was down and out and decided to let it get the best of me.
Sometimes I think about the future and if I will ever be able to carry a child, and how that will effect my back. And then my mind wanders to if I am able to carry a child, then how sad it will be to not be able to lift my child once he/she becomes a certain weight as I can't carry much extra weight due to the lack of stability in my back. Sigh.
Yesterday I was in "why me?" mode. I even called a friend to ask her to pray for me. I don't like those days. I don't like feeling sorry for myself because I know there are so many people out there fighting bigger issues than mine. Thankfully she reminded me it's OKAY to have those days. That this is MY trial. And it is sucky, and it is hard. And that she wished she could take the pain away. Talking to her made me feel better immediately. Thanks J <3
After my talk with her I took a quick one mile walk to enjoy the cooler weather, and take a moment to reflect and get myself together. I talked to God and reminded him how much I loved him, even when I sometimes question 'why me'. I know why me, because somehow, through spondylolisthesis, I am bringing glory to His name. And that's what it is all about.
I also know that miracles happen every day. And that if it was God's will to heal my back, I could wake up tomorrow completely healed. And if not, one day, in eternity, I will be healed regardless.
"O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed; if you save me, I will be truly saved. My praises are for you alone." Jeremiah 17:14
"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
Linking up this week again for whatever Wednesday.
Today is a new day, and for that I am so thankful, and blessed.